A well known celebrity, who wishes to remain anonymous, has today sensationally claimed that another well known celebrity who (s)he does not wish to name did nothing to him/her 10 years ago and that (s)he does not want to talk about it ever again.
The unnamed household name has refused to reveal the identity of the other household name because they feel there would be no point and that the local police would have nothing at all to investigate.
But a friend said yesterday: “(S)He has not told me anything about the incident other than it didn’t happen on a shopping trip to a small market town in the Midlands”
“(S)he said to me, ‘We were shopping for stuff, I don’t want to tell you for what, and nothing happened at all and I never want to talk about it again’”
The friend spoke after the other celebrity thought to be at the centre of the sensational story denied that (s)he had anything to do with the incident that never took place.
An angry famous person rang the Bite the News team and said: “It’s got absolutely nothing to do with me whatsoever.”
The BTN team haven’t got the faintest who called their office but would name them if they did.
Another source said: “I can’t believe that these kind of things still don’t occur. I am in shock that this didn’t happen to a celebrity”
A spokesperson for the police said: “I feel for the person concerned. But unfortunately nothing happening is all too common nowadays especially in small market towns in the Midlands. However if they want to come to us at any time in the future we have specialists who specialize in this very specialist of areas”.
A Professor at Oxford University’s Centre for Molecular Sciences who wishes to remain nameless added: “I am far too intelligent to be interested in anything quite as mundane as this and I don’t actually know how I ended up in this news article”.
Keith Chegwin, who can’t be named for legal reasons, told our Home Affairs correspondent:
“As the two people concerned have not been named I cannot comment too much on what hasn’t happened but I just feel saddened by the whole damn thing”.